Not to come across as a crazy person, or anything, but it really does feel like this when I am practicing a new skill. Have you ever had a discussion with yourself about change? Recently, my latest chat went down like this:
New Me: Hey you, I’m talking to you. Pay attention.
Old Me: What? Can’t you see I’m busy running our life? I’ve got a schedule, and habits to perform. I don’t have the time, or the inclination to pay attention to your silly schemes. Do you have any idea what a pain in the a– it is to get pulled off task when you get one of your crazy ideas! Let’s just do what we know, okay?
NM: But I want to try this. I know it will be hard to change, but I will be happier if I take this on. Can’t you just play on the team, instead of trying to bully and dominate everyone just because you’ve been here the longest?
OM knows how to handle this like a Pro: Yes. I can see that you really hope this is going to work. Whoever said I wasn’t a team player? Of course, I will support you, and even give you some time and resources to be successful. Tell me what you need.
NM believes that OM really is playing on the team now: That’s just great. Well, you know I need to practice. So if you can just give me 30 minutes a day, that would do it.
OM silently chuckles: Yes, no problem. But if it doesn’t work out, then I get the 30 minutes back, right?
NM: Well, sure, that seems fair!
You’ve probably already figured it out that Old Me doesn’t have any intention of supporting change, and really, lies in wait to swoop in and get her resources back. She doesn’t like to share, and understandably, she has a very important job to do. Her job is to run Team Christine as efficiently as possible. From OM’s perspective, time and again, New Me wants to have “the talk about change.” The problem isn’t change, the problem is that NM isn’t serious. Like a child who can’t decide which is better, the ice cream sundae, or the chocolate covered Oreo pop, NM is anything but committed. OM has learned long ago, that NM tends to be a dabbler when it comes to change. NM jumps at the latest and greatest strategies and techniques, only to abandon them when the going gets tough, when she gets distracted, or when she gets scared. So why should OM give NM her resources? OM’s main gig is to automate for efficiency, and waste of any kind – time, money, effort — really pisses her off. So OM has learned to nod, smile, and play along when NM “gets serious.”
Don’t get me wrong, OM loves Team Christine, and will do anything in her power to make Team Christine happy, healthy and hopping along on her way to her latest and greatest, but NM has to mean it. The problem is that New Me rarely does, because NM isn’t really clear about why she wants to change. It’s sort of like when she goes shopping: She wants to try on this, and not that, but then, that looks really good, too, so she wants to try that, as well. NM rarely connects with how the new change is going to fill her up long term. You see, NM tends to be quite short sighted, and that limitation, alone, causes her to focus on the wrong things. NM isn’t a big picture operator like OM, and OM knows from experience that when NM focuses on the wrong things it doesn’t turn out well. OM thinks that NM should think things through a bit more before she commits precious resources to a change that tends to be short sighted.
***Speaking of change, I just finished a free webinar that teaches you the three key tools the Pros use to make this year the one that changes everything for you. If you applied each of the tools I share with you on this free webinar, you will be well on your way to making this year something special. You can sign up for it here.
Experiment. I’ve been trying this experiment for almost a week now, and I’m starting to feel like a crazy person, or how I think a crazy person must feel. I’m hyper-focused on my internal dialogue: the comments, the notices, the questions that keep popping up. Who knew my brain was filled with so much friggin radio chatter! Have you ever been outside and made a video of a family event only to discover that you can’t really hear what’s being said, because it’s so loud?! The birds, the breeze, the crickets, the mic picked up everything, and you didn’t even notice it, because your focus was on, well, the task at hand.
What do you focus on? How do you make change stick, and get Old Me to really commit time, energy and mental resources to the new change? It really is a simple answer: The long term vision you have for your life. What do you want your life to be about, and why? See, what I’ve noticed, is that Old Me is incapable of play, because her vision is confined to the operational aspects of running Team Christine. An operator, by nature of her job description, cannot focus on vision. OM’s focus is to make sure she has everything she needs to run the show: mentally, physically, emotionally, and then she needs to automate it so she can make room in the system for any challenges that come up. Her prime directive is how do I maintain operational integrity to ensure the safety and well being of Team Christine?
If the REASON you want to change is powerful, compelling, and so important, you WILL allocate the necessary resources — focus, discipline, and energy to make it happen.
New Me has got that dream gene going for her. She wants to explore, create, try and experience life on a whole different level, but she can get short sighted when she doesn’t connect all of those activities to her purpose – to her big why. When NM is short sighted, she lets her emotions run her, instead of her vision. The emotions of pain, pleasure, as well as, the incessant demands of others take over, and she gets caught up in, well, all the noise. Sound familiar?
One of the ways to cut the chatter is to be really clear about why you want it so bad. In this case, if New Me connects to the long term vision she has for her life, and the reasons why it is so so important to her to have that vision, Old Me gets that this isn’t a short-term play. OM feels the intention and purpose behind the request for change, and allocates the appropriate focus necessary to keep New Me on track. Her prime directive is how will this action be in alignment with what I want my life to be about? When that shift happens OM and NM are playing on the same team.
The reason I brought you into my internal dialogue was to illustrate that clarity of purpose creates congruence in your thoughts and in your actions. You no longer respond, so much, to the emotions of the moment, but rather, you choose to act based on a more important need — the need to create a life that fulfills you, excites you, and that makes you proud.
Hey. Hey you, I’m talking to you! Have a great day. 🙂 If you want more information about who I am and what I do, head on over to my website at http://www.challengeyourvision.com for more information about coaching, private martial arts instruction, and my three quick start guides that take you from where you are now to where you want to be. Thanks for reading!!
Until next time,
Remember, you are so much more than who you believe yourself to be.